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BADPASTA

Untitled Reddit Parodypasta

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Note: this is an intentionally hilarious creepypasta, written by the user creepymonkeiboi in the comments section of a Reddit post, with no title. I'm posting it here in order to give it justice. Due to potty humor, foul language and mild sexual content, this page is NSFW/NSFS.

Leif Blaze was sitting at home in his chair one dark stormy night that the weather forecasters said was unnaturally dark that night. And the rain was really hard, like unfrozen hail.

Blaze sat at his computer in his chair simulteously playing counterstrike source and totally owning and browsing reddit posting pictures of all his awesome guns and picking up chicks on gonewild because he was super awesome and chicks totally were into his. After one map where he went 53-2 and won the game he got a super secretive message that said "you want a really hard challenge because you seem too good at this game? Download this new game called Deathfucker!" Blaze sent his number to two more hot ass married women that logged onto reddit just to talk to him and downloaded the new game on his 10 terabit connection. He opened it up and saw that it was all crappy graphics and got all pissed off. But he could never back down from a challenge like the time he beat up three guys at once at school that tried messing with him. The game had

a first person shooter perspective so he automatically was really good at it. There were cheesy zombie like monsters that popped up around corners but he killed them easy. He started to get bored but noticed that there was a strange blue light like crayola sea foam blue coming from outside his window. So he got up and saw this smoking hot babe standing in front of his ten bedroom house that he owned. She had on a skimpy sheer white lingerie and beckoned to him by fingering at him and showing him her beautiful perfect breasts like Jessica Beil. He thought it was weird so he shook his head no and she transformed into a skeleton with super sharp teeth like razor blades sharpened with lasers. She gargled black blood fluid and growled at him showing off her laser sharp teeths.

Blaze grabbed his Remington magnum 870 pump action shotgun with a pistol grip that he kept by his side at all time. He had it painted in digital red camo. He drew down to kill her but she was suddenly gone. Blaze checked all the doors but found the front door unlocked. He thought that was weird but decided that he wasn't scared of any stupid ass skeleton anyway and left it unlocked. Blaze made himself a bowl of chili because he was hungry from his weight lifting he just did after the super hot skeleton chick. He used thyme and sage because it was a secret recipe his grandfather had passed onto him from his family's recipe along with millions of dollars. Blaze heard a noise from the basement that sounded like criiitch crrriiiitttcchh and grabbed his M4 with green laser attachment and went down the basement stairs. He cleared the corners because he knew how to do special forces tactics even better than Seal team members. In the corner of his basement he found a mysterious hole that was ultra dark inside and he knew that's where the skeleton chick went. He went in headfirst and got stuck in a really tight hole, but that's not the first time that phrase has been used to describe him.

Blaze flexed his arms in the cave and it cracked the rock and he slid through into a pitch black cave and heard super creepy breathing noises. He remembered from the game he downloaded that this was one of the levels and there was a zombie behind him so he did a spinning back kick and the zombie's head went flying across the room Thunk thunk thunk was the noise it made. Blaze didn't find anything else so he climbed back out of the hole leaving it stretched out which he did to alot of holes.

Suddenly the skeleton chick jumped out to grab him and he blasted her in her perfect boobs with his Desert Eagle pistol he always kept on him and she blew up into a million pieces and died again. Blaze laughed and said, "I thought you were kinda cute before you got all gross but you had to die for trying to hurt me." Blaze spit on her face.

He then farted really loud because he had chili earlier and it echoed in the basement and he jumped because the noise scared him. Turns out only He could scare himself in the end.

~fin


Written by creepymonkeiboi on Reddit

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