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BADPASTA

The Office Supplies Salesman

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Office-supplies
This all started last week when I was sitting in my house. I was watching TV when I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it, a tall man with a suit on was wheeling a cart full of office supplies such as pens, pencils, tape, glue, and a stapler. He asked me if I wanted to buy any. I kindly told him "No" and he left. Later that day when I was walking in the park, I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to find the same guy asking me if I wanted to buy any. Again, I told him "No." I thought that it was weird how he found me again, but I dismissed it as a coincidence.

Later that night, I was doing the dishes for that night when I got a phone call. I recognized that it was the man's voice when he asked me if I wanted to buy any office supplies.

I said "Why do you keep on asking me?"

He responded with "Would you like to buy any office supplies?"

I said "That's not what I asked you. Why do you keep on asking me?"

He responded with "These pens have a lot of ink, and they last a long time. Would you like to buy aany office supplies?"

I said "Quit changing the subject. You're getting annoying. Why do you keep on asking me?"

He said "This stapler is brand new. Would you like it?"

I said "Sir, I don't want any office supples. Now fuck off!". I then hung up the phone.

That night, I had a dream about me sitting at my office desk, and using all of the supplies the man was trying to sell. Right at the end of it, the dream me looked directed at me and I saw that this fictional me had black eyes which were oozing blood. I woke up in shock, and I laid shaking in fear for the rest of the night.

In the morning when I woke up, I was feeling terrible for what happened the other night. When I went to get my newspaper, I saw that the man's face was in it with all of the office supplies he was selling, and there was a sentence at the bottom which read "Do you want to buy any office supplies?" I turned the page only to find his ad on the 2nd page. I got very freaked out. I turned the page again, and his face was on the next page. I found out that his face was on all of the pages. I decided to throw away the newspaper. When I opened my front door, he was standing at my front door and he asked "Would you like to buy any office supplies?" I screamed and I dropped the newspaper which landed on the cart. I ran to get my gun. When I came back, he was gone and the newspaper was still there. I threw it away, and I grew very terrified.

I decided to call the police. I told them that he wouldn't fuck off. They arrived at my house, and were keeping a lookout for him. When he didn't show up, they left the following morning. I wished that they would've stayed, but they were only allowed to stay here over night. I decided to pour myself some cereal. When I started pouring it, the ad I found in the newspaper came out of it. I screamed and threw the box and my bowl at the wall.

I decided to go somewhere where a lot of people would be. Maybe then, he wouldn't follow me. I went to the supermarket. It was very crowded. I was just browsing all of the aisles. Suddenly, when I turned a corner, he was standing in the supermarket selling office supplies. A lot of people were lined up buying them. The people there had black eyes which were dripping blood. I gasped. They all turned around.

The man asked "Do you want to buy any office supplies?"

I screamed "Fuck you!"

Everyone started walking towards me. I then ran away. I was trying to run out of the store. Suddenyly, I realized that everyone had black eyes dripping with blood. Also, all of the food on the aisles were replaced with office supplies. I ran out of the store, and sped away. I tried to call the cops when I got home, but every time I went to dial, the man's voice was heard asking me to buy office supplies. I screamed "Fuck!" and threw the phone out of the window.

That night, I had another nightmare. In that nightmare, I was tied up. He was cutting me up with pens and pencils, he used tape so I couldn't scream, he put glue in my eye sockets which made me go blind, and he shot staples in the back of my throat. As I was dying, he continuously asked me if I wanted to buy any office supplies. Right when I died, I woke up only to have him standing in my room. I screamed in terror.

He was chasing me with his cart trying to get me to buy office supplies. He eventually cornered me. I was scared as I realized that I was about to die.

He then said "Are you scared?"

I said "Fuck you! Why don't you just get it over with?"

He asked again "Are you scared?"

I said "Go fuck yourself!"

He asked again "Are you scared?"

I said "Yes, I am fucking scared! Now get it over with you motherfucking bitch! I hope you burn in hell you fucker!"

He said "So, you are scared?"

I said "Yes, you fucker! Now kill me!"

He said "Well, you shouldn't be. You're on Scare Tactics."

I said "Wait, what?!"

Suddenly, the lights turned on, and my older brother walked out of the closet laughing at me.

The man said "Your brother set you up. I'm his co-worker so he hired me to scare you. There's a camera right there and there."

I looked up and I found 3 cameras pointing at me. I realized that this was all a joke.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I screamed. 4 more people walked out of different rooms. I playfully fought my brother for a few seconds before I felt a great sigh of relief.

"So", by brother said, "Did you shit your pants?"

I said "I was very scared. How did you do the supermarket stunt?"

My brother replied with "A lot of coordination and volunteers. It was very difficult to pull off, but we did it successfully. Also, the black eyes wth dripping blood were done by a very talented makeup artist."

The makeup artist revealed herself.

I said "Wow, that's very impressive. However, how did you do the nightmares?"

My brother said "Um, we didn't do any nightmares. That's impossible to do."

I replied with "Then, how come I got nightmares?"

There was a brief moment of silence as we were a bit confused.

Suddenly, we heard a voice say "Would you like to buy any office supplies?"

An exact lookalike of the man was standing in the corner. His eyes were black dripping with real blood, and he was transparent.

The 7 of us all started running away. However, the man was faster and stronger than all of us. He began to cut us all up with the pencils, and he downed us one by one. Finally, I was the last one left. He stabbed me in the gut several times, and I fell down mortally wounded. I looked around and everyone was killed. He was standing over my body.

He asked "Would you like to buy any office supplies?"

I looked at the tray he was selling. Suddenly, I noticed a computer on his tray.

I said "I'll take that computer."

He said "That will be $250."

I handed him the money, and he gave me the computer. I knew that I was about to die so I had to move quickly. I went straight to this wiki, and I started typing this story.

I'm doing this to let you guys know what happened to me. If you see anyone try to sell you office supplies, save yourself immediately. It's too late for me, but it may not be too late for you if you act quicker then I did. I'm starting to get dizzy now so I'm going to probably die in about 25 seconds. I'll submit this before I die. Goodbye, everyone.

Another masterpiece made by: BrianBerta

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