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BADPASTA

It Was Awful

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“Imma get a Slendy!”

Damn my brother sure is retarded. Seriously, he actually thinks he’s going to hunt the Slender Man in these woods. Ugh, this is so dumb I don’t even feel like responding to him.

We just walk around for a few minutes until the genius starts talking once more.

“I gonna get hum and sell he on internets. Than I will get famous and money.”

I facepalm. I seriously think he is brain damaged. This kind of idiocy is transcendent. This is getting ridiculous, I’m not going to waste my time babysitting a 17 year old retard just because I’m one year older than him. I stop walking and look at him.

“Yeah... so I think I’m gonna head home while you hunt down this Slender dude or whatever.”

“But mum seid you’d help meh find Slender Man!”

“I don’t give a fuck. I’m outta here.”

I put my headphones on and start walking in the opposite direction. I just keep walking towards home while listening to some music. I’m simply not in the mood for this kind of bullshit.

After a few minutes, I finally arrive. I take the keys from my pocket and open the front door. As I walk inside, I see my mom in the kitchen. This is odd, that bitch should be in work by this time. I slowly close the door and start heading towards the kitchen.

Slendy

This is just great. Now I have to deal with the bitch and tell her I left that idiot in the woods alone. And then she’ll start babbling and saying lots of bullshit like “He’s too young and innocent, what if someone kidnaps and rapes him?” while I’ll force myself not to gouge my eyeballs out. I swear to fucking God I’ll kill her one of these days.

As I enter the kitchen, I see something awful. My mom is giving a blowjob to a tall white man. I stare, as I gape at what I am seeing. His dick is very long and skinny. His face... He doesn’t have one. And my mom has hyper-realistic cum all over her face. What I mean by “hyper-realistic” is that if I touched and and licked the cum, it’d be exactly like in real life.

The tall dude stops ejaculating and “stares” at me. My mom stops sucking his dick and after swallowing some cum, she finally speaks:

“It was awful.”

She has an apathetic look on her face, as if she doesn’t give a fuck about what is going on. I feel like crying and puking and shitting myself all at the same time. I feel something touching my shoulder; it’s my dad’s hand.

I slowly turn to him, only to see a naked man with hyper-realistic cum all over his face.

“It was awful.” He says.

I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m out of here. I sprint towards the front door, but Slender Man uses his telekinesis to close it. But since he doesn’t have telekinesis, I manage to get out of the house anyways.

“ONLY UNICORNS AND ALICORNS HAVE TELEKINESIS!” I yell. Yes, I’m a brony, don’t judge me.

Oh well, I guess this is time for plan B... I don’t have a plan B. What am I supposed to do? Go to the police? And tell them a dude from some creepypasta is skullfucking my parents? Hell naw!

This is bullshit, this is complete and utter horseshit. Not only did I forget to bring my bag, but I also forgot to bring my phone and keys. Damnit!

I hear a massive explosion from behind me. I turn my head around and I see Slender Man pointing at me.

“Nigga, you ain’t gunna leave this shit. Yur gunna suck mah cock as well, bitchez!” He somehow says without a mouth.

EW GROSS FUCK THIS SHIT

I start running fast as hell. I keep sprinting and changing my direction so that he doesn’t catch up. Since it’s nighttime, there’s no traffic and I manage to run across the roads withouth being run over by a car. I see an open bar a few yards away and I run towards it.

I arrive, panting like a dog. I look back and I don’t see Slender. I guess now I have time to think over this situation and choose a course of action. I enter the bar and I’m immediately greeted by my friend Jeff.

“Sup bro.” He high fives me.

“Oh hey Jeff. Sup man.”

“Nah I’m just drinking some redbull, cuz I’m of class.”

This is perfect! This dude know everything about every creepypasta character, I bet he can help me. He also managed to beat “Slender: the eight pages” in only one minute. This is exactly the kind of luck I need.

“Jeff, you gotta help me. Tell me how to defeat Slender Man.”

...

“Son, if I wanted to hear bullshit, I’d watch FOX news.” The police officer interrupts me.

“It’s the truth, I swear! Can you at least let me finish the story?”

“Fuck no! I got better things to do than listen to some punk’s nonsese. I’m going to call your parents.”

The man stands up and exits the interrogation room. After a few moments, he enters the room with a shocked look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“It... was... awful...”

He starts crying. But instead of shedding normal tears, he sheds hyper-realistic cum from his eyes.

...

I wake up. This was a dream all along, thank God I didn’t-

My thought pattern is interrupted by a skeleton that pops out from my butthole.

...

I wake up. I’m in class. I guess I shouldn’t sleep in class...

“Damnit Bart, stop sleeping in class.” Miss Krabappel says.

But wait a second... I’m not in middle school anymore, I’m in college. And why is “666” written in blood on the board? And why do we have 666 students in this class? AND

AND

AAAAAAND

Most importantly, WHO WAS PHONE ALL ALONG?

*X-Files theme starts*

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